bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Randomize
