so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
