Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
