At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize