a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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