I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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