I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
