Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
