I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also, beer. Big fan.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
