I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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