love makes seman taste better
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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