they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
