so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
