Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
