I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
