doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
