I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
