Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
false alarm. still invincible.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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