Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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