Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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