Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
