My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
