he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
