This girl is more easily done than said...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
