So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
