In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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