Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
