Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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