I am spending my child support on dildos
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
