I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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