Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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