Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
