you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
