Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
