that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
