I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
