Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
