Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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