That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
