Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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