just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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