I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
