i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
