We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
