I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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