her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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