I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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