ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
