Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize