Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
