Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
