We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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