all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
