it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
