i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
