If that was your dad, he is hot
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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