Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
