My room smells like vodka and shame
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
