He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
