So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
