Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
