"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
