I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
