wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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