we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
