I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
