he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
