All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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