I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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