i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
