Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
