I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
