He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize