Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
